Wow, Walking #2!

WOW! I just walked 2 miles, I thought happily as I arrived back in the parking lot at my car.  I patted myself on the back feeling full of joy and accomplishment.  Despite the waning, evening sun's attempt to warm me and the effort I had expended on that last climb, I was chilled.  As I stood in the 40 mph wind at the car knocking the mud off my shoes, my thoughts wandered into the past to 2005. 

A clear vision of myself standing atop Silar's Bald in North Carolina came to me in a flash.  At that moment on Silar's Bald, I was full to the top with mixed emotions,  laughing and crying for the revelations I'd had there  It was at the end of this 100 plus mile hike that I'd realized that up there, on that mountain with my world on my back, I was more, ME, than I'd ever been before.  This realization changed my life and since then I've never been the same. 

Really, I'm sure you've noticed me staring off out the window with a come hither look in my eye or possibly disappearing into my thoughts in the middle of a conversation.  Yes, I've left you and this place and even this body I am now hauling around and gone back to that moment, that day.

So, it was with surprise that on this chilly Thursday in February standing in the cold wind at my car door after walking a small distance in comparison, that I found myself feeling, well, full of myself at my accomplishment. 

The last several years of underemployment, office jobs and lack of paid time off has left its toll causing me to not only inevitably age but also lose muscles and gain weight.  Throw in the knee issues which sideline me at whim and well, I've not stayed in shape.  Let's face it, I'm about as out of shape as I've ever been.  However,this year I've made a vow.  Irrevocable and demanding its due, I will have to pay it at the end of this year.

Most would think maybe I've made excuses and I'll take that because when faced with difficulties, I think a portion of that is ok.  When a bunch of adversaries come at you, all at one time, in a fierce group, nashing their terrible teeth, trying to bring you down, well, a person can only fight them one at a time, the rest of those nasties you just have to push to the side the best you can. 



Photo by Restless Jim Davis

So, this year the vow includes walking 2 miles, then hiking 8 and then backpacking again if the knee allows.  Only the knee will create the inability, I've decided, not the psyche, not the excuses, not the time, not the lack of funds.  I will lay all my chips down and let them fall as they may to win it all.  I want to get that edge back, that feeling that I have the moon and stars in my hands.  I want the confidence to know that I can climb to the top of the mountain again with the wind at my back and the mountains in front of me knowing that I can go, do and be whomever I want to be. I want to feel that exhiliration again before I sink too far into the barcalounger and end up staying there.

As the sun sets over Tallmadge Meadows Park, I thought, I'll take the 2 miles today and raise them to 4 next week and then 6 in a month.  I'll get there and if I don't, it won't be because I didn't try.  If the knee fails me then I'll find a way to recreate that top of the mountain feeling again by finding new risks to take, like publishing my poetry or FINALLY sending in a submission to a magazine.  Yup, THOSE things REALLY scare me.