Friends, Especially When They Show Up Unexpectedly, Rock

Photo Credit: Amy Forniash
Vera in Tom Hennessy
Original "hat"


   I've been trying to write an article about friends all week long and I just can't seem to get it done.  Everything I write arrives onto the page and either sounds maudlin or stilted.  The fact is, when I talk about my friends and what they mean to me I get all choked up.  I'm just totally the biggest fan of all my friends. 

I wasn't always this way.  In fact, its taken a long time to get me to a place where I even thought I had friends.  I knew a lot of people but didnt' really think that they thought too much of me.  Now, I'm giddy because over the last couple of years, the universe has wacked me over the head repeatedly proving to me over and over again that I had people who cared about me.  This was amazing to me but I also realized friendship comes with responsibility. 

Having friends means that I have to work harder to be the best me I can be.  I owe it to them.  They like ME and when I veer from my true path or personality, they let me know.  So I've learned to be true to myself and listen to the advice I give to others.  It most often applies to me too.

I tend to be kinder to people because when I hurt my friends feelings, they get quiet and lower their eyes and sometimes don't call me for a while.  When I hurt others, I hurt, so I try to make sure that while trying to be myself, I don't run over them with my opinions or demands. 

Friendship has made me a better person.  I'm far from perfect for sure but I do try to consider how my actions will affect those I love.  In the long run, this attitude spreads to others and I find that in my daily interactions I now see strangers as potential friends and treat them with kindness,   respect and consideration.  Being kind takes practice.

My friends are my biggest cheerleaders and from them I've learned to say things like Great Job or Oh, I'm sorry or WOW that is terrific! or Are you SURE you want to do that? 

 Being a friend means that you've got each other's back, that you become enthusiastic when friends attempt scary things that are good for them but drop guarded warnings whenthey're about to do something silly. Do I make mistakes, sure do and so I've learned to say, I'm sorry, too.

   

My friends live all over the United States, so, it isn't often that we are in the same place at the same time.  But when we are, there is a great amount of hugging, laughing, crying, big fish tale-like hiking story-telling and fun.  At the end, we sigh and wave good-bye and promise to get together more often or say, YES, we will hike with them in this or that month.  But truly, we all are aware of the fragility of life and my crowd of friends is aging. 

We've learned to value those special times of sharing.  We box them up, wrap them in bright paper and bold ribbons, store them on a prominent shelf in our minds so that we can get them out often to page through them.  We remember that friend's hearty laugh and how it just makes the room light up and all of us smile. We remember the confidences and the promises of support we've made.  As we wave good-bye, already we are planning the next get-together and counting the days until we see one another again.

At this most recent gathering, I had the  opportunity to meet several people who I think will become good friends.  Already, one who is traveling across country, has stopped to visit on his way west.  Another, just got a job after 3 months of unemployment.  Others are planning long hikes. 

Oh and I my lovely children have become good, good friends and  are in the midst of their own exciting changes like graduating from college, starting new enterprises and raising well, my lovely grandchildren.  I am, giddily, proud! 

  

So, when new people come into your life welcome them openly.  Let them blow into your life like a breeze through an open window, let them catch the dust laying in the corners of your life, move the curtains to and fro and stir things up.  When everything settles down again if you're like me you'll feel renewed, and want to climb mountains or stay up all night sharing thoughts.  Or maybe you'll just sit for a while and consider how great it is to be exactly who you are.